It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am one with the molecules
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
