Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
