I wish you could order shots online.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
