Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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