4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Can i not drive my cunt home
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
