and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
