This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
