I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
