My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
