New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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