He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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