Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
