I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
