Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
