No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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