I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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