The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
