Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
