I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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