I skipped work to stalk him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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