someone threw a dead crab at me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
