I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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