Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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