My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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