guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
