He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
