If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
