the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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