I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i came on her dog
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
