What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
