Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
