We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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