Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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