I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
