Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hate all girls vehemently.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
