Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
