Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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