yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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