guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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