Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
