He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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