glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
