New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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