I must be too annoying 4 u.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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