Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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