turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
