the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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