ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
