Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
