is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
