I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
