i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My penis needs a shock collar
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
