New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
