Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
