woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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